The comforting embrace of numbness.

Sunlight streamed through the window.

Illuminating the blue patch of blankets where she lay.

Warming her.

Blinding her.

She shifted her arms so she could lie more comfortably on his legs.

Her Daddy’s legs.

Legs that hadn’t moved since her arrival. Legs that would never move again.

One second.

That was all it took to change her life forever.

Her mother’s life.

Her brother’s.

Gone were all things familiar. In it’s place a hole, gaping, empty except for the numbness. Numbness that prevented her from feeling the pain. Numbness that controlled the ache and let the tears flow on their own account.

Numbness.

She closed her eyes against the sunlight.

Tired. So very, very tired.

She couldn’t sleep though. Wouldn’t sleep. Every minute was precious. Every minute a minute closer to the inevitable. She was exhausted from all the waiting, but yearned for more time. She hated the waiting but didn’t want it to end.

Waiting.

Tears dripped onto the blue cloth.

And with each drop her strength waned just a little but more until she was nothing more than a shell of who she used to be.

Like Daddy.

This is not my dad. It’s not. It can’t be. Her heart screamed. Her mind had given up convincing it a long time ago.

This is not my father.

Yet the tears kept on coming.

The clock kept on ticking.

And there was nothing she could do.

Nothing.

Except wait.

 

Grave Yard

13 thoughts on “The comforting embrace of numbness.

  1. So sorry, Cora. *professorish hugs*

  2. ThatBearNextDoor

    I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. All I can do is offer some words of encouragement and let you know that it’s alright to get upset and angry. I hope you know that we’re here for you if you ever need to talk and get things off your chest x

    • Cora

      Thank you.
      And I do know that, and I appreciate it very, very much.

      • BearNextDoor

        (:

  3. Carol Lyle

    A beautiful post, touching the heart, and feeling the tears of sadness and loss. May God embrace you with His comfort and peace at this sad time.

    • Cora

      Thank you so much!!

  4. ThatBearNextDoor

    Hi, just thought I’d check in to see how you’re doing x

    • Cora

      Oh thank you so much that’s so sweet!!!
      I’m…..surviving. I know that sounds stupid it’s just that every day is a challenge and I don’t know what to do and I’m just so exhausted…..

      • ThatBearNextDoor

        It doesn’t sound stupid at all -you’re going through a lot. I hope you have/had a nice birthday and stay strong. I promise it gets easier to cope with as time goes on (everyone says it but it’s true).
        Just think about how many days you’ve gotten through already, it just proves that you’re strong (:

        • Cora

          Thank you for believing in me.

  5. Oh my goodness, Cora. I had no idea. I just went through this with my mom this fall. Sending all the hugs and prayers I can muster. Hope you’re doing okay…

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